Thoughts on Recovery – No. 44 – Step 4 – Fear – Freedom from Fear – Page 68

I have looked at fear and how it is an evil and corrisive thread that destroyed the tapestry of my life. Self reliance failed me. Therefore I need to live on the basis of trusting and relying on God. Seeking to do his will in all my affairs. I seek to align my thinking in line with God’s will for me. Step 10 is how I do that throughout the day. Step 11 is how thru daily prayer and meditation I seek to improve my conscious contact, knowledge of God’s will for me, and His power to carry that out.
I recognize that whenever I have self centered fear it is because I am managing that area of my life in which I am having fear. When my Fear results in resentment it is because whoever I am resenting is threatening one of my instincts of life. For example, if I decide I need more money then anyone who is threatening my achieving that self centered goal causes me to be angry.
Fear is the result of not getting what I think I want, taking away something I have, or someone finding out what I did to get what I need. Notice all my fears start with me running the show deciding what I need. I had the delusion that I would wrest happiness and satisfaction out of life if I just managed well- page 61. This delusion almost killed me. I now try to live a life of service to God and others. I want my instincts to be satisfied at the level God intended for me. I have plans for each day but as it says on page 86 I ask God to direct my thinking especially divorcing it from self pity, selfish, and dishonest motives.
There are basic underlying fears that I have had long before I ever took a drink of alcohol. One of the reasons alcohol had such power over me is that it would momentarily make these fears lessen. Fear of not being good enough. Fear of disapproval. Fear of failure. Fear of being alone. Fear of not being loved. These are just a few examples. These are old ideas. They are not even true except that I believe them. The way I try to deal with these fears today is to stop depending on people for approval and affirmation. To stop relying on things to make me feel worthy. My dependence must be on God in all my affairs. On page 63 it says if I just do as he would have me and stay close to him he will provide everything I need. I believe need means what I need spiritually to handle every situation. What I need to just be ok with me as I am. Replace my false pride with true humility. Build true self esteem through doing esteemable acts. Love and service is our code (page 84).
I now come to the prayer for fear on page 68. I ask God to remove my fear and direct my attention to what he would have me be. Notice not do but be. Remember how I be will be reflected in what I do. How should I be? I have touched on this in recent thoughts. Be grateful, trusting, patient, humble, faithful, and courageous. Patient in knowing that God has a plan for my life. Trust in God’s timing. Try to be a good steward of the gifts that have been already given to me. Be interested in others. Be on the right side of the spiritual instinct chart. An probably the most important for me is to be in the moment!!! Turn to what is actually going on right in this moment! If I am in the moment with God my fear will go away. Why? Fear is in the future and doesn’t exist in the present moment. Be in the now. Where is God? In the now! Turn to the present moment and who I can help right now. If I follow through on the things I have mentioned in the these thoughts on fear I will be relieved of the bondage of my self centered fears. What a gift! Suddenly God is doing for me what I could not do for myself!
I hope these thoughts on fear have been helpful. It certainly has helped me. Be glad to hear from you mhurwitz50@gmail.com