Thoughts on Recovery – No. 55 – We are trying to put our lives in order – Page 77

In the last thought I discussed the power of willingness to make amends to all and to forgive all. Before they get to the nuts and bolts of step 9 they have 3 powerful sentences that I have never heard as a topic at a discussion meeting. They define what we are trying to achieve by the actions we are taking in working steps 4-9. Then steps 10-12 are how I continue to grow in understanding and effectiveness by using the tools of steps 4-9. Sorry . We are never finished but have a daily reprieve based on being in fit spiritual condition. We will see how that fits into the sentences on p 77. Maybe these 3 sentences should be read at every meeting!!!
The first sentence states “at this moment we are trying to put our lives in order”. So by the time I am making amends my life is getting into order. When I came into AA my life was out of order in 3 ways. First with God, then with myself, and last with the world and the people in it. How was my life out of order with God? Well I was playing God! I didn’t realize that till I looked at steps 1-3. I was managing my life and directing the world. So to get right in order with God I have to stop playing God! My job is to stay close to him and play the role he assigns for me.
How was I out of order with myself? Here they are looking at my mind, my thinking, that led to my decisions and actions. I was looking at the world through self centered glasses. I was seeing things wrong. I was full of anger and fear and shame and guilt from harmful actions. Doing step 4 allowed me to see the truths about my anger, fear, and behavior. I was given a different way of looking at things so I could change my reaction to life. I learned the prayers and tools to be free of anger and fear and change my behavior in relationships. However the greatest gift was to see my mistakes. My character defects that result from a self centered mind. Then in step 5 I admit these things to myself and God and another human being. I become willing to have God remove these defects of character. I watch for them cropping up and when they arise ask God to remove them. Thus I have tools to put my mind in order with God’s will and direction and free of self centered thinking.
The third way my life was out of order was with people and thus the world. I had harmed people and feared people. I had hated people and judged them. Through the steps I learned to be free of anger toward these people and forgive , and be willing to make restitution to those I had harmed. Now in doing step 9 I am attempting to sweep away the debris of my past. I am putting my life in order with other people and the world and finally with God’s universe.
The results of steps 4-9 are powerful but I must continue to do them every day in step 10 and continue to seek improved conscious contact every day with God with step 11 to keep it in order.
They then say this putting my life in order is not an end in itself! My real purpose is to fit myself to be of maximum service to God and the people about us!
In the next thought I will look at that last sentence and what it means to me today. Welcome any comments mhurwitz50@gmail.com